Here I am again… trying to cherish the past… all to what eff I have been through as reflected by the playlist above…
Names, names that circled my name and my world… the challenges and the failures… the grief and the hurt..
I used to remember when I was in my high school years, I used to listen to the radio during early afternoons, the sheezo-crazy melodramatic lovesongs… combined with reading break-up letters from the ex’s, beside the window while rain rolls down on the other side of the glass… Also, those sleepless Christmas vacations alone by the fireplace… where the whole world would not mourn with you because you were such a loser… a pathetic loser trying to hide what’s on the inside…
There were also times that I drowned myself with hard liquor… only to regret the end result of having to indure stomach cramps and endless crow-calling at the bathroom sink… and calling names whom i’d just laugh about now.
Yes, back then, i was so effing desparate, i was trying (and trying) to look for this crazy thing called love… and yet… i was a failure… the eff i was a failure…
Someone drunk once told me “Love is like a flutterby; thy more ye chase, thy more it eludes ye”. A flutterby indeed; i felt as my wings were clipped, the irony of someone saying that to someone who never spoke to you… and yet, he senses what was on my mind…
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